#dont know how im going to do work like this when the term starts up <3< /div>
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landfilloftrash · 6 months ago
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shoutout to my girl eno’s nightmare bc. Hi! What and/or Who the fuck was that ! its gonna haunt her and i for awhile !
#my art#its a shitpost batman#Pirate Campaign#Enososin Folook#rea rambles in the tags#OK SO LIKE IT KINDA TOLD ME WHAT/WHO IT WAS BUT IT ALSO DIDNT? YKNOW? LIKE—#it started off with normal dream stuff and then devolving into fear/nightmare stuff and ‘wtf is this who are you why are you in my house’#but then the whole argument shifted when the thing posing as Rollo— bc it WAS an outside force— said “i am his rage i am his guilt’’ etc.#and i could FUCKING FEEL ENO IN MY HEAD RELAX SO GODDAMN FAST. STILL ANXIOUS BUT JUST. ‘Oh. Is that all?’#‘Well what i’m about to do is still incredibly stupid but i feel much better about how it will go now’#AND IT WORKED. WONDER OF WONDERS. AND THEN FUCKING AFTER THAT WHEN I WAS HUGGING THEM.#the ‘creature’ for lack of better terms EXPLICITLY said “of course you are one who can calm my rage— you who was raised by the one#whom i love the most’’ and HI. HELLO. THERE ARE SEVERAL WAYS I COULD TAKE THIS SENTENCE ENTITY-OF-INDETERMINATE-EVERYTHING.#ROLLO. DAD MAN. BELOVED GOLIATH WHOM I TRUST WITH MY LIFE AND THAT SCARES ME.#I HAVE QUESTIONS. SEVERAL ACTUALLY. WILL WE EVER ASK THEM? PROBABLY NOT!!!!!!!!#BUT IM *SO* CURIOUS. WAIT A MINUTE. WHO *ARE* YOU??????????#final shoutout to the fact that both times I have tried/thought about casting a vaguely aggressive spell. to someone who was#threatening me/eno. it has not *worked!!* and I have had to use my THINK THONKING BRAIN AND DO A STUPID MOVE!!!!!#aka roleplay and use way too much compassion. *I WONDER WHY SHE'S SO INSISTENT THAT IT'LL WORK STRANGE ENTITY I CALMED BY HUGGING*#they were also INCREDIBLY insistent that I don’t die. Peacefully/trying to help someone that is. Full of rage like a supernova ?#only acceptable way to go apparently /lh /very aff (<- already attached to this strange person I DONT KNOW)#ok ok im done /jov#shut UP rea#rea's trash
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phagodyke · 7 months ago
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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pinkcadillaccas · 10 months ago
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Anyone else feeling the relentless march of time on this Saturday night
#sat on the bus going home from my second to last shift at this job#saw lots of people at work that used to know me for my old job that i absolutely loved and did for 6 years#and i was describing why i know all these people to my coworkers and i was like oh my god thats not me anymore#thats who i used to be what the fuck#and this is the same bus journey that ive been doing for three years#on the same bus ive taken since i started taking the bus#its the same journey but im so different#and im moving into a different phase of life again#how many times have i sat on this bus#how many times have i sat in this seat#how many times have i driven this route how many me's#I've literally moved to the big city and moved back and i am irrevocably changed and im looking at the same shops out of fo the window#everything is the same but so different#since i started taking this bus i have changed so much that i would not recognise myself in the mirror#my boss said 'dont be a stranger' sir i am a stranger to myself#how long can i not be a stranger#how long can you try and keep up with the dregs of your old life until it no longer fits#how long can you keep coming back until it becomes somewhere unrecognisable. or you become unrecognisable#how do you mourn losing something of yourself when it happens so slowly and you dont realise it until its been dead and buried for years#do you ever find yourself falling into old thought patterns and finding that you have no conviction#the you who started thinking that is gone. you dont feel this way. but you did#even just about a band you like. or a snack you always used to buy before school#one of my essays this term could have been about humes view that we dont have a concrete self#and i just thought how am i supposed to answer that#how am i supposed to say no hes right there is no continuous self. i know this because i am filled with ghosts#because i look in the mirror and part of me tries to look through the eyes of teenage me#just to wonder what they would think#and i cant do it. because we are so far apart that they are not me#i am clinging on to friends and places as though i am someone that i am not because rhe ghost of a child inside me demands it#even if the words are hollow and the feelings are long gone
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favouritedave · 1 year ago
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the internet here is so bad I can't even complete the google speed test because it can't fucking upload. jesus christ
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eleu22 · 2 months ago
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You guys do not appreciate Gaz enough so I’m here to sell him to you
this shit is important so yall better read
I truly don’t understand the lack of Gaz love -
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ok well
I do at some level
I think the argument usually levied against his character id that he’s boring
but beautifully stated by tumblr user mockerycrow in their character analysis of him
CHARACTERS DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE A TRAGIC BACKSTORY TO BE INTERESTING CHARACTERS
press keep reading to fall in love with Gaz
Who is Gaz?
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I’m going to start out with who Gaz is as a character
morality
Gaz is someone who has a strong sense of morality and struggles with the balance between doing the right thing and doing the morally right thing, there’s this debate between long-term morality and situational morality that Gaz struggles with
look im maybe not the most linguistically talented person on earth so im just gonna throw in a few quotes which i think gives Gaz
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Gaz is someone who admist chaos and war is trying his best, trying his best to be a good person, to be reliable and to do the right thing
if thays not lovable idk what is
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relationship to price
ok so i think this aspect of Gaz’s character is what people tend to focus on
and as much as the omg price’s son shit is cute i think he’s become a vehicle for people to emphasise price’s daddy factor (which like dont get me wrong keep up the good work)
but i think theres so much more to that
i forgot who wrote this but someone said something about Gaz trying to follow in impossibly large footsteps and i think thats so accurate
going back to Gaz’s struggle with morality there’s so much untapped potential in the idea that his idol, may not be an amazing person, having to come to grips with the idea that Price, his role model can look at a woman and child as interrogation leverage is something that i think people need to look into more
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OK so now
Untapped Potential
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so here are somethings which i
idk if this is like the correct phrasing
headcannon? idk i just think these are parts of Gaz’s character which could be rlly interesting to explore
ahem
yes Gaz is a good guy, but that doesn’t make him passive Gaz has shown moments of anger, like in the interrogation with the butcher when he lunges at him or when him and price first meet
i think the fact that Gaz is so calm and collected but has these moments are cracks in the facade he creates
i believe personally he has a lot of repressed anger whether it be at the world, at himself, at his captain hes an angry dude hes just better at keeping it under wraps
and i know we don’t really have many details on his backstory but cmon there’s no way u sign up for a job like this and don’t have any issues whatsoever
i think this quote is so good for this because he’s harnessed his anger, it’s what makes him good at his job, a knife, a weapon
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i think another interesting concept for Gaz is guilt
the fact that he cares about whats right and wrong how does he feel going to sleep at night? do these things haunt him? is he irredeemable?
i think its like that one quote “the dog that weeps after it kills is no better than the dog that doesn’t. My guilt does not purify me.”
Final Thoughts
anyways guys thanks for coming to my ted talk
i know this was really messy but i just want to encourage some Gaz love because i think he’s a really interesting complex character who we just need to dig a little deeper into
i hope this incites some more gaz love
THANK YOU 😳
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jammiesjars · 5 months ago
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MDNI
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Warnings: Accusation of Infedelity, heavily unedited writing (wrote this in a power outage in my notes app xx), fingering, eating pussy, dirty talk, dumbification if you squint REALLY hard.
One message is all it took for you to spiral.
Outrage was an understatement. A month, a single month, into Price’s deployment you had recieved a message from an unknown number. They insisted of Price having an affair with his so-called ‘receptionist.’ Being his wife, you didnt believe it. You and John had been married for years now. He wasnt that kind of man! (You hoped.)
Weeks passed and wheels start turning. Seeds of doubt had started digging into you. The late nights he had stayed at base before his deployment, only sending as much as a quick text of ‘Be home late. Dont wait up.’ Or the necessary secrecy between what happens at his job or deployment were starting to plant ideas in your head you wouldnt have ever had if not for that message. Youre being worn down, and its killing you. Its not like you could ask him; being thousands of kilometres away without any time to do as much as glance at his phone.
So the emotional resentment grew. You find yourself wondering how he could do this to you, crying in your empty home that housed the both of you not long ago. Before you even come to terms with it, Youve packed your bags and lawyered up, letting your resentment fester for far to long without any outside input.
On the third month of Prices deployment, you drive yourself up to base with one intention; leave the divorce papers on his desk to find when he comes back and to leave without confrontation.
Security on base knows you as ‘Price’s missus’ by now, offering a small wave and a smile as you walk by and into your husbands office. You put the papers on his desk, that frustration and hurt bubbling up all over again. He has your wedding photo framed on his desk and it only hurts more. What did you do to deserve this?
You turn to go, heading back towards his door when you hear muffled laughter and the sounds of gear being unzipped and dumped from down the hallway. Theyre back. You pick up the pace, praying you can slip out before he gets close enough to notice. You reach for the door handle, but the door opens before you can even grasp it.
Shit.
And there he is, your eyes drinking in the sight of the awfully more rugged version of your husband; beard outgrown and messy with tired eyes that light up at the sight of you.
That light dies as soon as sees just how mad you look.
“So youre telling me, one message is all it took to lose all fucking faith?” Price practically growls, fingers rubbing at his temples. Hes sat in his chair with you on the other side of his desk, just as furious. “Everything makes sense! The staying late at base, the short messages and lack of updates when your deployed!” You hiss, frustration bubbling over making anything small seem huge.
Price takes a deep breath, a futile attempt to calm his temper. “The shit I deal with doesnt sleep. Theres reasons i stay back that you will never know, love. The law itself, wont let me tell you. Same goes for messages. Im sorry i dont have the time to let you know im okay when im deployed, god knows i wish I did.” He scowls, his gaze so heated and intense that you almost look away despite your own fury.
“And what about this receptionist huh?”
Your tone has changed, soft and shaky. vunerable.
Price’s expression softens, but he doesnt say a word, simply rounding his desk to pluck you out of your own chair and putting you down in his office chair. He sinks to his knees in front of you, hands rested on your thighs. Blue eyes peer up at you, sickeningly sincere. “Love, I dont interact with her unless necessary. This isnt some romance movie bullshit.” Your heart is working overtime, lips parted as guilt bubbles. “You- you understand where my doubt is coming from, though…right? Everything lined up perfectly, and-“
Price simply tuts. “We’ve talked about that pretty little head of yours overthinking too much, havent we?” You freeze, throat drying. You nod. “Answer me, sweetheart.”
“Yes-“ you croak. “We have.”
Price grunts in approval, his hands now running up and down your thighs.
“Have you been feeling neglected, hm? Is that it? My sweet wife needs some attention?” Price rumbles, his large, calloused hands that have been marked by countless battles now playing with the hem of your skirt.
“You’ve got my attention now, luvie. No need to play these stupid games with me.”
Your mind is already growing hazy; your husbands words making you almost want to forget about this whole incident. A finger hooks onto the waistband of your panties, bringing you back to the moment.
“Stupid games? John i was prepared to divorce you-“ he shushes you, dragging your underwear down your thighs, then your calves and over your shoes before slipping them into his pocket. A cheeky smile graces his face. stupid muttonchops.
“Must’ve left you alone for far too long then, if you were willing to take it this far.”
He slings your legs over his impossibly large shoulders, making you squeak as your pulled forward on the chair.
“Wouldve come home and fucked those stupid thoughts straight out of your head if i had known you were having doubts about my loyalty, sweetheart.”
He presses a messy kiss to your clit, making you gasp. He grumbles something incoherent (“Me? Cheat? Silly girl.”), before licking a long stripe up your neglected cunt, causing your hips to buck. The taste of you after going months without has price groaning into your heat. He eats like a man starved, a mix of desire to prove his loyalty and that he finally gets to taste his wife after being away for so long.
Hes fuming, really. Toward you? No.
Towards whatever stupid bastard sent you that message. He’s glad you didnt notice him slip your phone in his pocket, because he knew you’d be against him hunting the fucker down. You just need a distraction to keep that pretty little head thinking too hard. And he’ll give you just that.
“Oh, my poor sweet wife…” He grunts, before sucking on your clit with a renewed fevor. He pulls off with a lewd pop, two thick fingers replacing his previous ministrations. You’re squirming in his office chair, mind hazy and hips bucking.
“Thinkin’ I was out here cheating on ya’… you know better, love.” He tuts.
His fingers curl so nicely into that spongey spot that makes you see stars. “M sorry-“ you’d slur, “I didnt believe it when I first saw the message I promise-“ you gasp as price presses his thumb against your clit, rubbing in small tight circles.
“Lovie, you stormed in here with divorce papers. Dont tell me you didn’t believe it.”
Your head tilts back as you pant, small gasps slipping past your lips.
“There we go.” Price coaxes, his fingers picking up their pace.
“Wouldnt even cross my mind to look at another woman when my gorgeous girl looks like that as I stuff her cunt full of my fingers.” He coos, watching your face intently as your release crashes down; intense enough to make you writhe and moan.
Price pulls his fingers from you, licking them clean before getting up off his knees. Your throat runs dry, bracing for whats to come even as you grapple your bearings. You’re mentally preparing for Price to be dissapointed, upset with you, maybe even mad.
He analyzes your expression, leaning back against his desk. His eyes scrape over your small form sat in his chair.
“Im not upset, love. That pretty little head of yours had months to overthink that message without a voice of reason.”
Price tilts your chin up.
“Lets just not have to do this again, hm? Then i’ll be mad.”
Its sounds like a threat, but it isnt. Price knows he’ll always be there to talk his beloved wife down from the edge.
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flawless-peach · 11 months ago
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activities to improve your life
(in no way do you have to do these or all of them in order to improve, these ade just little things to do to help you feel good about yourself <3)
- go on walks outside, or just get outside in someway. in the summers my boyfriend and I would walk a couple blocks to get a snowcone. now that's its spring I walk to the gas station near by to pick up energy drink for my boyfriend (spring semester)
- wake up earlier, now this one is important to me because I am a huge morning person and so is everyone in my family. but some people aren't naturally morning people. so dont feel like im saying wake up at 5am. I more mean wake up with enough time to enjoy your morning and look forward to the day, you don't want to rush to get ready
- drink an appropriate amount of water, I personally aim for about 60oz now, which I don't hot everyday, but when I first started trying to drink more water I started out with 20oz because I just wasn't drinking water. so don't push yourself because you'll only hate the water rather than appreciate what it can do for you
- journal every day. I normally don't journal about my day until the next morning as I reflect on the previous day, because I don't want the day to "end" before it's actually over. but I try to write reviews about episodes of the shows i like or take notes over my audiobooks and try to think about why I like/dislike them. I find that this helps me so that whenever I start getting emotionally overwhelmed to slow down and put into words what's wrong rather than just being overwhelmed
- working out to feel good rather than look good. I've had a terrible relationship with my body most of my life and so by working out to feel good i have different goals and schedules i followed than when I was trying to lose weight, and it's helping like my body even if it's not changing how it looks. I try to exercise at least 3 days a week, but if I don't feel good enough to i don't force myself (the walks outside are exercise too, so thats also helping me feel good even if I eat a snowcone immediately afterwards ^^)
- positive affirmations. I really struggle with this one, but I have a widget on my phone that rotates through different ones and im liking the ones that are good and at the end of the week in my journal I wrote them all out.
- look for long lasting happiness over short term happiness. this one is a lot harder i just wanted to add it on the end because sometimes I put off doing something I know will make me happy in the end because of short term gratification. I normally feal with this by letting them merge if I can (so like everything shower tiktoks while I get ready for my shower)
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mono-dot-jpeg · 24 days ago
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three hot professors - jayce, viktor
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summary; a story about the three hot professors who work at piltover university
genre/extra tags; oneshot, comedy, fluff, modern au, piltover zaun kind of exists, but it's more like good side of town and bad side of town kind of, started this idea at 3am, some sexual themes, i say some but i literally write moments of the sex, jayce viktor and reader are in fact the hot professors, everyone wants you three but they cant have yall ‼️, viktor FUCKS and im tired of pretending he leans sub, I SWEAR I LOVE JAYCE BUT IM SO ASS AT WRITING HIM, SORRY JAYCE ENJOYERS </3 HIS PART IS SO SHORT, reader is implied to wear some type of makeup but during sex mostly
[nsfw] [gender neutral! reader]
[warnings and mentions: oral, everyone is a switch, dom leaning! viktor, sub leaning! jayce, vers! reader, sex toy, viktor grabs ass in public /hj, mean viktor (i say mean viktor but im so bad at writing mean), hickeys, lipstick... kink??? marking kink?? idk how to warn this correctly, degradation??? , praise, pet nicknames (puppy, good boy, etc.), somehow no p in v involved or p in ass. can you tell i dont write smut]
word count; 1.01k
a/n; i got a little horny seeing some fine fan art of them as professors. like what else do i have to say. i can't stop minors from reading this, but i cant say i didn't warn them. also this is kind of not my first time writing nsfw, but as a neutral feeling towards sex asexual, it's always a little awkward for me to write for stuff like this. so if it's like kind of odd, im blaming it on that and not my questionable writing skills. HAPPY 2K FOLLOWERS LMAOAOAO this is my celebration post /j
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everyone in piltover knows about the staff of their prestigious university. it's kind of common sense as the university is the pinnacle of everything.
but the interest of the professors was usually the highest. whether it was because of how good they were in terms of teaching.. or how hot they were.
some liked mr. talis. jayce talis. a man who had an affinity to connect with his students and guide them forward. he was lovely as a professor or a person. he was definitely the golden man that people looked up to as he was an alumni.
the man of progress, the teacher for the people. that was jayce talis.
he was strong, sweet, compassionate. he was built strong but he was humble. he had so much love in his heart. he was a little gullible at times but he was loved by you and viktor all the same. you both teased him everyday and he never got mad. he was truly a golden retriever at heart.
he was always excited every time either of you entered his office, even if it was to make him so needy and scrambled until the day ended. most students don't exactly know where those new lipstick marks on his neck come from but some can see the leftover lipstick on your face as you wipe it off with a satisfied grin.
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"isn't he so pretty like this?" viktor hums, his bad leg rests over the shoulder of the larger male. "he's- ngh.. so eager. so desperate. ah.."
"he's so good for us, vik." your hand gently guides jayce to keep going down on viktor, soon trailing up on viktor's inner thigh with a sensitive touch that has the male shivering at your nails. "he's making you shake, love. you see that, jayce? you're such a good boy." you praise. viktor loved and hated when you both ganged up on him like this.
his pale hand wraps to hold the back of your neck before he dives right to littering your neck with hickeys and wet kisses. his free hand cups your waist, tugging you closer to let him comfortably attack your neck like a hungry vampire. you give viktor your fair share of kisses, your lipstick stains viktor's face and neck. it would definitely take more than a few makeup wipes to take it off of him. or maybe he would leave some stains behind. it must be known that he clearly belongs to you.
jayce pauses when he realizes he's not getting the attention he wants. he whines into viktor's thigh, looking up at the man with pleading puppy eyes. viktor looks down with a mischievous glint in his eye. "our dear puppy wants attention.. perhaps we shall give him what he so desires..?"
you look down at jayce with a much softer look, hand cupping his face so gently as he leans into your touch. his face was wet from taking viktor's cock in his mouth.
"please," he begs as he moves to crowd your lap, tugging at your delicate lingerie. his heated breath hits your thighs as you let out a breathy sigh. "i want you and viktor..."
"look at him, love. how can you deny such a look?"
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it was no secret that you, viktor, and jayce were the faces of piltover university. viktor, being sharp faced and sculpted with love, you really could trace over his body for hours and admire every part of him. it totally wasn't the innate artist in you, drooling over how he was just so utterly paintable. he could've been in a renaissance painting and no one would bat an eye.
viktor was a beautiful man. he was intelligent, passionate, caring, mischievous.. oh, he was just something unreal. he never let his body stop him from helping others when he could or teasing you and jayce when he felt like it.
he'd never say it outloud but you and jayce know that he just loves to play around. play doesn't seem like the right word when he subtly brushes his hand to grip at your ass in the middle of a university wide event where all the students and teachers were gathered around.
or when he uses his cane to hook jayce around the waist and nearly tug him to sit onto his good leg and be the sweet lapdog jayce always was for viktor. sometimes he also grabs at jayce's ass because you don't give him the cute yelp that jayce does whenever he gets teased by either of you.
he was as beautiful as he was domineering when it came to you and jayce.
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"vik- viktor- please.." your voice is weak and breathless as you squirm against jayce's hold. his body pressed around your back as he gives you the soft affection while viktor ruins your body. his skinny hands tease and trace at your wet body, one hand holds a small vibrator before pressing it against the edges of your hole. he teases your body relentlessly with a sly grin on his face.
"viktor? i don't think we agreed on calling me that this time around, sweetheart. you don't want to be a bad sweetheart, yes?" as he continues to tease you, the vibrator almost slides right into your needy hole with how wet it was. it makes viktor chuckle lowly, "sweetheart.. answer me properly.."
"s-sir.. please let me cum.."
"i don't know.. should we let them?" viktor asked jayce as if pushing him to be a little mean to you as well. "they're all ready to cum without us even entering them." viktor tugs the vibrator wire away, leaving you to whine and crumble in jayce's arms as you beg incoherently.
jayce looks at your tear stained face and he can't help the need to tease you and ruin you the way viktor does. "i think we should teach them how to cum with only our cocks." you can feel a heavy familiar warmth that rests on your lower body and upper thigh. you're about to be taught a real lesson.
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animeshotsh · 2 months ago
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In every universe? | JayVik x Kid!Reader
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Notes: ANGST - Timeline is messy as hell but i dont care - Fake with me that Jayce and Viktor finds Kid!reader earlier in terms on time - ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE - Character death - Grammar mistakes - S2 SPOILERS -
Alternative universe of this series
"But why do you have to stay mom?" A young voice asked Jayce who was mumbling while writing.
"Mom's has to work" Viktor softly said petting the youngest hair seeing as Jayce was too focus on the equations to even respond back.
"But, the lab at the Academy is bigger" You said again trying to understand why your dear parents have been working at home more and more.
"This is a sectet project Spark" Jayce responded turning to look at you, a soft tired smile on his face "And you must not tell anyone about it"
"Not even Heimerdinger ?"
"Specially not him" Jayce nodded to himself then to you and Viktor "I will pick you up from school and we can get some ice cream, deal?"
"Yes!!" You responded way too happy
"Alright, we must go if we dont want to be late, I have lectures to give" Viktor reminded both of you, passing you your bag and giving Jayce a kiss, "See you later"
"See you two later"
"Bye mom!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The old beautiful house and lab was now a memory, a horrible explosion replaced it.
Two bodies were found, one from a girl from the old undercity and the other one was Jayce's body.
From that event the division between the cities started to shatter and a new one was born. The place was left untouched, like a memorial of the event that caused the union.
But that for Viktor and you was never enogught.
That day you stayed back at school, Jayce had no showed up so no one could get you. It was almost night time when Skyler did appear with a sour look, you were confused but went with her.
You ended more confused when she took you back to the Academy, a tired Heimerdinger went to you rubbing circles on your back.
Then you saw your dad, Viktor was sitting in front of a cold tea, his hands covering his face. When he hear the footsteps he looked up to see you.
His look, his golden eyes were reddish now, it was all you needed to understand that something terrible had happened.
He got you in a warm and almost possesive embrace, more cries could be hear from him as he hugged you and said multiple times how sorry he was.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Its that day again, right?" Powder asked you giving you a drink as you nodded
"Yeah...Dad is, well he is still working and going but this day just makes it all more difficult"
Powder nodded knowing it was the same for her and the rest.
"You know, it never leaves" She started, repeating what Vander had said all these years back "You just learn to live with it"
~~~~~~~~~
The visit to Jayce's gravestone never got easier, Viktor swear he path got longer each time and his leg pulled him back more and more.
"Dad?"
Your voice broke his toughts, obscure ideas once more, what if in another universe the three of you got to live? See the city change together? Make it a better place?
He knew he was playing with dangerous forces but....but he was sure he was close, close to open a gate to a different place, one where Jayce was still alive and with him, and you were with them, growing and being brillant.
"Im coming Spark" Viktor softly called, the vision of Jayce's gravestone was a reminder that no, not in this universe.
In this universe Jayce Talis was dead, and he was going crazy without him.
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caligvlasaqvarivm · 7 months ago
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Why the Alpha Timeline is the Alpha Timeline
I figured I'd make a post, since it's pretty subtle and I think it genuinely passed a lot of people by? Homestuck is made up of a lot of words, haha.
The alpha timeline is described by Doc Scratch, functionally, as "the timeline that causes LE to exist."
The path which alone has my absolute mastery is the alpha timeline, a continuum I define as that which boasts exclusive rights both to my birth and to my death, two circumstantially simultaneous events.
Aranea also gives the explanation that the alpha timeline is the one where reality is perpetuated.
AG: Reality itself is using you and many others to propagate its own existence. Strictly speaking, there is only one path to its successful propagation. 8ut it still permits you to make choices.
Caliborn also states that his quest as a Lord of Time is coming to terms with the inevitability that everything, ever, in all of time, will be because of him - that he'll be the one to shape it, including the circumstances of his own defeat.
uu: AS A LORD OF TIME. I THINK I'M GOING TO MASTER TIME. NOT WITH MY BRAIN. WHICH WOULD BE TOO HARD. BUT WITH MY INSTINCTS. uu: LIKE IN A WAY THAT WORKS WITH MY NATURAL IMPULSES. SUCH AS MY AMBITION. MY WILL TO COMMIT MAYHEM. MY DESIRE TO PUNISH THOSE I DESPISE. uu: SO IF I WANT YOU TO BECOME STRONG. SO YOU CAN CHALLENGE ME LATER. AND I SEE EVIDENCE. THAT YOU PROBABLY BECOME SUCCESSFUL. uu: I THINK TO MYSELF. WHY SHOULDN'T I BE THE ONE TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN? IF IT'S GOING TO ANYWAY. uu: I THINK PART OF MY PERSONAL QUEST. IS TO BECOME AT EASE WITH THE FORCES OF INEVITABILITY. uu: INEVITABILITY THAT ALL THINGS SHOULD AND WILL FALL IN MY FAVOR. THAT ALL CAUSALITY ANSWERS TO ME. AND THAT ALL OUTCOMES NOT ONLY SERVE ME. BUT CONSIST OF MY BEING. uu: SO I FEEL THAT. THE MORE I GROW IN POWER. uu: THE MORE STUFF IT SHOULD TURN OUT I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR. uu: UP TO AND INCLUDING. EVERYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENS. uu: EVEN IF IT HAS TO BE. uu: RETROACTIVELY.
Aradia's stint as stewardess of the afterlife is explicitly described as "service to the lord of double death," and Dave explains that he acts instinctively - like Caliborn does - to fulfill the conditions of the alpha timeline. It's also worth noting that their classes, Maid and Knight, are roles that directly serve a Lord in the real world.
TEREZI: LUCK1LY YOU M4K3 4N 4DOR4BL3 H4NDM41D TO TH3 M4ST3R OF D34TH, 3SP3C14LLY 1N YOUR CUT3 CH3RRY P1X13 3NS3MBL3 ARADIA: you think so?
GG: well youre from the future right? GG: dont you know already if itll work? TG: yeah more or less TG: i never really studied how it went down all that closely TG: i just figured when the time came to sort it out the right thing to do would be obvious TG: like it is now TG: managing the loops is a balance of careful planning and just rolling with your in the moment decisions TG: and trusting they were the ones you were always supposed to make TG: by now im pretty used to having my intuition woven into the fabric of the alpha timeline
I'm starting with all that so I can explain that the GAME OVER timeline doesn't end when the time players disappear from it, like doomed timeline offshoots normally do, because it IS the alpha timeline: the sequence of events that causes GAME OVER to occur is the sequence of events that Caliborn/Lord English have chosen: one where (nearly) everyone dies, all hope of victory is lost, and his servant, the Condesce, gets to claim the Ultimate Reward, perpetuating the same misery and oppression in the new universe, and presumably all universes to come.
We see from Caliborn's chess match with Calliope that his (and by extension, LE)'s modus operandi is to follow the rules to the letter, while manipulating his opponent, tricking them with "shitty twists". It's always been explained that LE's actions have been "sanctioned by paradox space," that is, everything he's doing is explicitly allowed, nothing he's doing is against the rules - including the fact that he must be defeated. He has, via his mastery of time, perfectly engineered a situation where the only viable reality is the one where yes, he IS defeated... in the dream bubbles, by the dead and doomed, whom he sent to the dream bubbles in the first place via Condy, Jack English, and all the other boss fights. And his will, his ideals, are imposed on the new universe in spite of his defeat.
In a completely Watsonian read of the text, Lord English is an incredible villain because - subtly and unsublty - he IS basically responsible for every bad thing that ever happens, ever, to everyone. He has legitimately been the puppetmaster pulling the strings the entire time, pretty much all because Caliborn is a huge asshole who loves to hurt other people, and wants to do it as much as he can, to as many people as he can, for as long as he can.
But I think he's especially interesting through a Doylist perspective, through a reading of the text as a coming of age. Homestuck is a worth riddled with theme and symbolism, and thematically, Lord English represents everything that these kids need to overcome in order to mature into kind, empathetic adults who will be one day responsible for the care and oversight of a new universe. He represents selfishness, sadism, greed, destruction, oppression, fascism, murder, genocide, and hatred. And also literally the patriarchy.
And, you know what? Don't take my word for it. Here's Andrew Hussie's commentary from Book 6 Act 5 Act 2 Part 2:
Much of the logic [for who contributes to Lord English] orbits around these negative traits associated with men, or more specifically, the “toxically masculine” aspects often linked to certain male personalities. Dirk has a lot of these traits, which are central to Dave’s feelings of tension and abuse concerning his bro. The intellectual aggression, the power of assertion, the knowitall-ism, the mansplaining. That’s a lot of Dirk stuff when he’s at his worst. Equius shares a lot of those traits too, with some different points of emphasis. Both of them have this creepy-guy streak running through them, with strange or offputting interests, and seem to get a quiet kick out of making others uncomfortable through demonstrations of these fascinations. They are actually pretty similar characters in this way.
He's invited into the trolls' universe (and, by extension, the kids' universe) via the Dancestors, in an original sin kind of way. I'll let Hussie explain on their Formspring (emphasis mine):
We learn more about the troll race, as a once peaceful species and such before kid-ancestors as players scratched their session, though the short term relevance of this is mainly as a preamble to Scratch's religious story. Establishing an Eden-like paradise from which there is some departure through sin is sort of the boilerplate basis for religious lore. ... The failed players from peaceful Alternia made a classic "deal with the devil" move by causing the scratch after being given a choice by the mother of all monsters. (Echidna. Hey, she's a big snake!) By doing so they brought Scratch into their universe, and therefore all the things you'd expect that comes with summoning the devil.
The Dancestor's "departure through sin"? It was the fact that they couldn't get their shit together and grew up inside the Medium. That's why they're the age they are, 9 sweeps - adulthood by troll standards. They aren't kids anymore because that's the ultimate sign of having failed to do a coming of age. Symbolically, the Dancestors represent a prior generation of grown-ups that fucked everything up, leaving a huge mess for their descendents to clean up after. In fact, Doc Scratch even describes the alternate choice Echidna gave them:
The heroes could either accept their defeat along with the extinction of their race, and put no others at risk.
In other words, they could have stopped LE if they'd simply chosen not to Scratch. But once more, in line with their behavior up until that point, they chose the selfish option, and bore descendants into the world they ruined. They're immature, nasty, mean-spirited, cruel, callous, and shallow on purpose, because their role in the story is antagonistic. They're aligned (even if unwittingly) with Lord English, as they're the ones who directly invited him in via their failure to grow the fuck up.
There's also a reason why SBURB/SGRUB directly tie achieving godhood and reaching the Ultimate Reward to planetary quests fundamentally designed to help children mature. God-tiering is supposed to come at the end of one's quest, as achieving it directly teleports you to the Battlefield for the final boss.
AG: I really think how successfully they mature is tied to success in the game. It challenges the players in all the ways they need to 8e challenged to grow, which is different for every individual, and veeeeeeeery different for every race. AG: I don't think we were so hot at that aspect of the game. In fact, I'm sure we were quite awful. Hell, even I wasn't that gr8 at it! I actually just kinda fell ass 8ackwards into the god tier, to 8e honest.
And there's a perfectly functional Watsonian explanation for this - in order to increase the odds that the new universe will successfully propagate new universes, it's ideal to leave it in the hands of kind, mature people. But the Doylist explanation is, again, even more interesting.
Hussie has spoken extensively about the comic having always been about two things at its core: first, a creation myth... and second, a coming-of-age. These are complimentary themes, as Homestuck also makes statements about society and its effects on kids. In the real world, the kids of today become the voters, revolutionaries, and lawmakers of tomorrow. In Homestuck, they create, and are responsible for, a new universe.
I always saw HS as an exploration of young people developing relationships over the internet […] There’s a lot more to HS than just that obviously, but if there’s anything which it’s been about through and through, it’s modern kids relating to each other from afar, developing as people and growing up.
In fact, all the initial kids' entry artifacts are metaphors for "departures, loss of innocence, and sometimes the journey from childhood to adulthood outright." John biting an apple, symbolizing the act that cast Adam and Even from Eden. Rose breaking a bottle, the act of christening a boat, and an item integral to the main means by which she relates to her mother, alcohol - an adult substance. Dave hatching an egg, literally the act of bringing new life into the world. Jade shooting an effigy of her dog, both symbolic of Old Yeller, and of breaking a pinata, an act often done at quinceneras.
There comes a point in childhood where the child stops being a child - the safe, familiar, comfortable world that they knew stops existing, and they can never get it back. They are thrust into a world that is alien and massive, and forced to grapple with the weight of their future duties. They deal with losing their guardians and finding direction in their absence. They must decide how they want to grow up, and then are responsible for shaping the society that comes after them. In other words, SBURB/SGRUB in this metaphor represent adolescence.
Within that context, God-tiering is actually interesting because it symbolizes adulthood - a semi-permanent state that a child is supposed to reach at the end of their SBURB/SGRUB journey. And, in fact, it's treated that way - none of the characters reach god-tiering the "proper" way... and of our god-tiered characters, nearly all of them have some sort of emotional struggle with growing up too fast. Vriska with the expectations of her shitty society, Rose with her emulation of her mother, Dave with his abusive brother, and the Alpha kids with substance abuse (the jujus) and romantic drama.
Anyway, sometimes when Mario's running sideways he gets a star that makes him magic and invincible. OH. YOU MEAN HE BECOMES TRICKSTER MARIO. Yes, but less stupid. So for a while he becomes flashy and hyperactive and nothing's challenging anymore. He just starts barreling over mushrooms and leaping over pits as fast as he can, then gets to the end and jumps on the flagpole and that's it. Mario "wins". But the point is, he didn't really win. That magic star was actually devastating to his development as a human being. WHY. Because he skipped over many critical trials on his spiritual journey. Mario NEEDS to stomp on all those mushrooms. He NEEDS to bonk those bricks with his head, for the sake of his personal growth. By using the star, he is denying himself many powerful moments of catharsis.
Like... I dunno... seems pretty blatant to me!
So with Homestuck so firmly being a coming of age, and with the Dancestors - whose primary failure is that of unrelenting immaturity - being cast in an antagonistic role, doesn't that make Caliborn's position of ultimate final boss extremely fitting when we take this conversation into account?
You may be destined for bigger things, but you’re still an atrocious, stupid child. And you may have won the “game” with your sister, but that doesn’t mean it was the best thing for your development as a person. You had her dream self killed, which is not an opportunity your species typically gets. So she died prematurely, instead of allowing the conflict within you to settle itself naturally. In short, you forced your predomination to happen a little too early, and now you’re stuck. STUCK? Yes. Your personality is stuck in some sort of cantankerous prepubescent limbo. You are going to be a stunted, miserable tool forever.
He's literally a child who chose to stunt his own growth so that he could reap all the game's rewards for himself. Someone who so stubbornly desired the selfish, greedy, and immature option that he was willing to hurt himself to achieve it. Caliborn - and by extension, Lord English - is a direct symbol for the refusal to mature, to be kind, to care about other people. By including Dirk, Gamzee, and Equius at their worst, he also comes to represent misogyny, toxic masculinity, the patriarchy. He's the Condesce's master, and so by extension, he represents fascism and oppression; as Doc Scratch, he gets off on abusing girls, and so he also represents predators and abusers. And his goal is to perpetuate himself, his ideals, what he symbolically represents, down every successive generation. Much like how these cycles of abuse and oppression seek to perpetuate themselves in the real world!
And that's why the alpha timeline, the GAME OVER timeline, is the way that it is: it's one where Lord English WINS. In Lord English's version of the story, everything is fucked up forever. He might be defeated, as is the timeline's inevitability, but his politics, his bigotry, and his ideals live on.
Except.
Our Breath player gains a power that literally unsticks him from time.
Now, personally, I don't believe that the ending we got is the one that was originally intended. I don't feel the need to elaborate upon that here, but suffice to say, given how clearly and consistently these themes are set up throughout the entire rest of the comic, it just makes sense to me that the ending we got, where characters stay dead, never finish their character development, etc. etc., is a MASSIVE tonal and thematic departure, which smacks of external pressures and influences. Everything after [S] GAME OVER is soft canon to me for this reason. But there's things that survive in it that are really really interesting, so I'll mention some.
First, the pre-retcon versions of the characters still exist, as we see from (Vriska). That means that everyone who died in GAME OVER would not necessarily have stopped mattering to the plot. I firmly believe that the original ending would've seen Lord English confronted by the GAME OVER (characters), who would also have the most karmic claim to beating Lord English's face in. This would also satisfy his whole deal of playing by the rules - he knows he HAS to be defeated, he just gets to choose the circumstances of his defeat; without realizing that John's retcon powers can rewrite a timeline, he would've set up his own death to be in the bubbles, at the hands of the already-dead, while Condy claims the Ultimate Reward - thus making it so that he still wins in the end.
But Breath represents freedom, choices - and the retcon powers are something John gains mastery over after completing his personal quest, which we've established is directly tied, both literally and symbolically, into growing up and maturing. By becoming a kind, empathetic, mature adult, John is able to choose something else.
Second, that the Ultimate Self is brought up at all, which seems to me like it would mitigate the bittersweetness of the (characters) from GAME OVER staying dead - because, in my head, the original plan for the retcon was that it would bring everyone back, and therefore, all the (characters) from GAME OVER would live on through the surviving post-retcon gang, who will eventually achieve Ultimate Selfhood, as Davepetasprite^2 says they will. This would also directly mirror the words Godtier!Calliope gives to her counterpart:
CALLIOPE: bUt then... CALLIOPE: what shoUld i do? CALLIOPE: you don't need to do anything. CALLIOPE: be who you've become, and who i didn't. CALLIOPE: consume the fruits of an existence i could never understand. CALLIOPE: live.
Third, there's just so many outstanding plot threads, even for the characters that DO survive. Jake's prophesized to defeat Lord English, Dave never actually gets over his hesitance about time travel and defeating Lord English, Karkat has multiple means of bringing his dead friends back to life and doesn't say anything, Vriska and Terezi still aren't 100% reconciled, Gamzee's tragedy is never addressed, Jane, Dirk, Jake, and Roxy never really figure out their situationship, etc. etc. etc. ... to say nothing about all the plot threads left dangling for the characters that stay dead.
And finally...
Isn't that just kind of a better story? One where the kids get to grow, change, learn from their mistakes, and create a better, kinder universe, after defeating the avatars of cruelty, oppression, and immaturity?
Is it just me? Haha.
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ellieslittleslutt · 16 days ago
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‘𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝑰’𝒎 𝒔𝒐 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒍𝒚 - 𝒑𝒕. 𝟐
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MEN AND MINORS DNI!!
part one!
cw: little kisses, weed, it does get a little angsty at the end im sorry (no im not) abandonment issues if you squint, i think thats it.
a/n: so this could be the last part of this just because idk how to keep going with the story but yeah, i have been making things a little more angsty lately and for that i dont have an excuse besides the fact that i felt like it. anywhoo enjoy!!!
wc - 1.6k
not proof read
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waking up in ellie’s arms felt like pure bliss, you never came to terms with it but you’ve always like ellie, before you never knew who she was. you’ve seen her in between classes and in the library a few times and always thought she was attractive, while being ‘friends’ you liked to be near her watching her face light up with each laugh knowing the exact number of freckles on her cheeks.
it was dark out only falling asleep for a nap after your… activities… she had a lamp on casting a soft warm glow against the deep blue shadows creating a beautiful contest for her features. propped up on your elbow you trace your fingers down her arm over her tattoo sitting in comfortable silence not getting up since you got in.
she looked up at your with her soft pale green eyes taking in every little detail committing them to memory so she can add them in to the rest of her sketches with your face. “no one teach you it’s rude to stare?” you whisper meeting her eyes with your own and she just chuckles softly shrugging “can’t help it” she says leaning up to kiss you softly.
melting into her lips your eyes shut for a second. wrote she pulls away grinning at the sight of your confused frown “dinner, you must be hungry” she says reaching for a shirt. you couldn’t help but let your eyes travel over her body letting them linger longer than they should on her muscles. groaning slightly lying back your turn your head to watch her get dressed “do we have to get up?” you mumbled. “yep” she smiles tossing you your clothes, i mean you did work up an appetite so dinner doesn’t sound too bad.
once dressed you look over at her as she grabs her shoes “where are we going williams?” you ask walking over to her leaning against her desk. “wanna take you to this diner i go to a lot with joel, it’s a nice place with awesome food” she says with an excited smile. you could tell how much it meant to her just by how her voice was soft saying it like it was a sacred place and she was letting you in. smiling at her you reach over placing your hand in her hair twisting it a bit “can’t wait.”
grabbing her car keys with a little dinosaur keychain she pauses to look out the window the back at you frowning. it was late november so it was starting to get really cold in jackson, knowing your outfit wasn’t enough to keep you warm she quickly jogged back to her room coming back with her jacket “here you go. i can’t have you freezing alright?” she says draping it over your shoulders a blush creeping on your cheeks looking back at her “it’s cut you care so much” she got visibly flustered looking down at her feet shrugging “i dunno i like caring about you”
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sitting down in the booth of the diner soft music plays in the back while ellie mindlessly hums along with it while scanning over the menu before looking back at you “i don’t even know why im reading it i know what im getting” she says putting the menu down and deciding to help you pick what to eat.
by the time the food came out you were listening to ellie’s rambles about space and all her favorite things. you loved listening to her ramble so much, to be completely honest you weren't really listening all that much just focusing on how excited and expressive she was. you couldn't even be mad when she would steal a fry or two from you, you're used to it by now with how much she'll seal your food at lunch.
when it came time to pay ellie insisted she payed but walking out next to her you slipped what you owed into her pocket. she decided to walk around town a bit with you in the cool night just people watching mainly. it was still fairly early into the night so families were still out and stores were still open able to see jackson when it is most alive.
ellie held your hand leaning a little closer to talk to you "you know, i've always loved these streets" she said quietly looking around. you look at her with a warm smile happy to see her happy "yeah?" you whisper squeezing her hand a bit and she nods "its nice seeing all the families together and how everyone lives their lives.. it just feels peaceful"
she loved it here. you could just tell by the way she talked about it, its like how people feel that special connection to a place, drawn to it finding their selves always coming back to it, jackson is her place and you are her person.
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going to bed after ellie dropped you off home sucked. since there was school tomorrow and a big test you two have been studying for you didn't allow any distractions wanting both of you to do well, hence why you couldn't stay the night.
in the morning you walked up to dina, jesse and ellie sitting at the bleachers ellie placing her hand on your thigh kissing you cheek while they burned a bright red. dina cocked her head with a grin hitting jesses knee to make him look "fucking knew it they fucked last night" she says and ellie just rolls her eyes. "and why would that be important if we did?" she asks pulling you a bit closer" jesse was already pulling out his wallet counting the money "we made a bet this morning that you two hooked up because you looked way too happy for a thursday, now i owe her 15 dollars" jesse explains placing the money in dina's hands.
"dude not cool" ellie says hitting him over the head "hey don't hit me i just lost 15 bucks!" he says raising his hands in surrender. you were just watching the whole time slightly confused but all you could focus on was ellie's hand tracing small patterns on your thigh.
when you two had to split for classes she gave you a thumbs up to hopefully make you feel better about the test, in a way it did, you loved her smile and seeing her being gentle with you despite not knowing you for even that long felt so fucking good.
sitting at your desk toying with your pencil you waited for the teacher to give the go ahead and start. "alright you get 35 minutes to complete the test and if you do not finish in time doesn't matter hand it to me at my desk" they call out and start the timer.
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"worst test ever." you groan sitting down by ellie at lunch, she takes a bite from her sandwich placing a hand on your back "it couldn't have been that bad you're like smartest person ever." she says and you grumble putting your head on her shoulder "can i come over tonight?" you asked muffled into her shirt and she just smiles nodding "of course and i got something for us to smoke." pulling back you look back at her with a smile "you're my favorite"
sat on ellie's kitchen floor you looked up at her making a snack. her hair was tied up into a half up half down, you're favorite, a blunt rested between her lips passing it back between you two. you felt nice right now, it was a peaceful silence and you two were comfortable. sitting down beside you ellie passes you the blunt a trail of smoke falling from her lips. " on the menu tonight is the best that my abilities can do so just some cut up fruit really" smiling you reach for a slice of apple taking a bite out of it. resting your head on her shoulder the room fell once more into the comfortable silence.
she was toying with the ends of your hair, plate in her lap and blunt smashed into the tile floor to extinguish it. it felt all fuzzy, while getting high was fun for most people for others it can make them sad or angry or just out of it. you were somewhere in the middle. staring off lost in thought ellie can almost watch your emotions and thoughts play out through your eyes like a screen.
tapping your shoulder the leans down to kiss your head "you alright there?" she whispers rubbing your arm. adjusting your posture you just nod shutting your eyes "just thinking" you mumbled but ellie could see right through it "about what" she asks to get some answer. "i don't really know, i guess its just nice to have someone. like you're here and i didn't have to ask you to you just stayed.. i like it" ellie's eyes softened resting her head back on the cabinet "ill stay... i like that you're here too" she said quietly shutting her eyes.
"i mean.. i never really had that" stinging started in the corner of your eyes, squeezing them closed tightly in an attempt to hide the shakiness in your voice and soft quiet sobs that come from you, but it was no use. ellie pulled you closer into her arms the warmth of her body a comfort from the cool kitchen floor. "i've got you.." she whispered into your hair letting you cry "i'm not going anywhere."
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cupcakeslushie · 6 months ago
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I dont usually send asks, mostly cause im shy and don’t know what to say lol, but I wanted to share my appreciation for your Kendratello AU, cause it’s helped me recognize a toxic relationship in my own life.
I’ve never been a victim to SA or anything of the likes, so I can’t say I’ve been EXACTLY in Donnie’s place, but something that unsettled me early on when reading your AU was how…NICE Kendra would seem when alone with Donnie.
In a lot of media, especially in the media I saw growing up, the manipulative antagonist almost always had very obvious tells that show they’re evil when interacting with the victim. Maybe they’re talking about committing a very clearly villainous deed, keep the protagonist prisoner, something like that. But Kendra didn’t. Well, not always.
Kendra destroyed Donnie from the foundation up, and then rebuilt him back up to be who she wanted him to be, would punish him but then spin the situation around to be his own fault, but the rest of the time she would seem kind.
Only recently have I realized that someone very close to me has been toxic for most of our lives, and the reason it took me this long to realize it was because they would treat me kindly only until it became in their own interest to act otherwise. But I would take it, because I loved them and didn’t want to hurt their feelings, and I assumed that since they loved me, they wouldn’t ACTUALLY (emotionally) hurt me.
Spoiler alert: they did.
I’m not going to get much more into it, but your AU’s been very comforting to me ever since this happened, because it’s helping me come to terms with the fact that what happened wasn’t my fault just because our relationship seemed nice most of the time.
Your depiction of Kendra manipulating Donnie so realistically, and Donnie slowly but surely realizing that Kendra was hurting him is so powerful, and I thank you for that.
I’m so happy for you Anon 💚💚
It’s good to see these patterns, and depending on how toxic the relationship is, to speak up for yourself, or cut the person out, if they are unwilling to change.
Kindness is often a tool used by manipulators. But the biggest thing to ask yourself is exactly what you saw. Is this person only nice to me when they need something from me? And if so, then this isn’t real kindness. Good for you for knowing your worth!!
⚠️
sa related ask and discussions of very toxic relationships…
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Personal experience rambling below. Toxic friendship and sa mention.
I’ll only be discussing this once, here, in this post. So I’m afraid if I get anyone asking for further info, I’m not going to reply /lh
I’m very sorry for what you’ve gone through. I hope you can find what you need to heal. Everyone’s traumas are so different, so please if you can, and haven’t already, speak to a professional that will give you help catered to you.
But I do want to immediately answer your question and say, yes, I have healed, for the most part. It took a lot of work and self-reflection that I didn’t want to do, because it was scary. But when I finally talked to someone, and realized I needed to take action in order to heal, that was when the process started.
For years, I thought my only options were to suffer in silence, and that what happened to me was my own fault, because towards the end, I was consenting. But I didn’t understand how my mindset and self worth had become so twisted.
My person (let’s call him J) was one of my best friends growing up. But as he got older, and more interested in…mature things, he changed. J would only ever agree to hang out together unless I offered to give him something to make it worth his while. Eventually I started to think these acts were all I was good for, as that’s all that made him happy to be around me. Pretty soon, J didn’t even have to push the ideas onto me. He only had to act uninterested or busy, and I would sit there and beg to do whatever he wanted.
The idea of rejection grew to be so painful and terrifying as he was one of only two friends that I had (the other being his sister. So if I lost one, I was so scared to lose the other). And I’d recently lost one of my closest childhood friends. Which he often used her cutting contact with us in his manipulations as well.
(It wasn’t until years later that she contacted me through Facebook and revealed that it was J that made her feel too uncomfortable, and as she already lived two hours away from us, and only visited once a year, it was just easier for her to cut off contact. I don’t blame her now, but without that knowledge, the thought that it was something I did, only helped J manipulate me.)
As I grew older, and I got better friends, I started to learn just how much I’d been pushed into only ever doing what he wanted, and how one sided of a relationship it was. He moved away, and that distance I was so scared of became a reality. But it was the best thing to ever happen. I still wonder what would’ve happened if he’d stayed in town. If we might’ve gotten married or if I would’ve finally stood up for myself. But all that matters is he is gone. There is always the danger of him coming home and me seeing him—we were neighbors, so his parents and mine still live right next door. Holidays can be kind of a high stress time lol.
That cafe comic is actually probably the most therapeutic piece out of the whole Kendratello AU I’ve done, as it’s always been a fear of mine that I could just turn around and he’d be in town visiting lol. Sending Kendra through that portal was highly cathartic. But even if that were to happen now, I have my coping skills, and I’m in a much better headspace. I think I would be able to handle myself.
I’m still a people pleaser, I don’t think that’s ever going to go away, even with all the work I’ve done. The biggest thing is, I know I’m worth more now. I can see real kindness, and catch the fake stuff much better by looking for those same toxic signs. The real friendships I’ve made have shown me what connection is truly like. It’s not a one-sided negotiation every time you get together. And if it is, then it’s probably not a healthy give and take. I’ve healed, but it is a constant effort.
Every new person sets off some kind of anxiety in the back of my head, but I don’t let that fear control how our relationship will develop. I’ve got the final say in what happens and what I get out of it.
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81folklore · 1 year ago
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older - LECLERC
pairings: charles leclerc x male!singer!reader (fc: luke hemmings)
summary: singer yn ln releases a love song with his boyfriend, and the public are not prepared for who it is about
authors note: this has been on my mind for SO LONG. i honestly dont like how many fics ive been doing on the same people (charles, lando etc) but whenever i go to start a new one on my list for someone else i think of something that i have to do😭 also in this reader is not a part of 5sos but close friends with the 3, wfttwtaf is readers album and older is exclusivly the readers song
authors note 2: i wanted to quickly clarify i am NOT speculating that charles or luke are gay/queer and this is not my intentions. luke obviously sings older and i find it easier to visualise it this way, while the reader in this is male, this could also be read as gn!reader. this is FICTION please do not tkae this as me speculating anything
authors note 3: i didnt really know what i was doing with this so its kind of all over the place and very rushed :/ but then again when arent my smau all over the place?? also can you tell i hate writing comments by the way i just dont😭
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we started this song together back in 2020 and picked it back up at the end of 2022
'Older' was originally a voice memo of a 50’s-style love song that we wrote together, then forgot about. when thinking of concepts for my debut album i stumbled across the memo and fell in love with it all over again, but i put it aside yet again as to me, it deserved more than the album
the song has changed a lot from the original voice memo, but the meaning has stayed the same throughout. despite all the beauty, the ups and downs of a long-term relationship over many years, there’s inevitably going to be the worst moment of your love because one of you is going to lose each other
capturing those feelings in a song was tricky but ultimately we wrote from the heart and i think it shows in the song itself
this has always been a song between us, so having him play on this song was very importnt to me and im glad he said yes
older is now yours
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im very pleased to announce a very special one off show at the Royal Albert Hall in London this November 18th. I will be playing a bunch of tracks from my debut album and may be joined to play some others aswell! Tickets on sale this monday at 10 am BST. Lots of love always, yn x
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thank you for an incredible night at the royal albert hall
looking back at the best night of my life, i need to thank each and every one of you who allowed this dream to come true, i will never be able to thank you guys enough
performing in my dream venue, with my favorite people in the world was something i never thought was possible and yet here i am, writing this still on my high from last night
thank you to my friends; michael, ashton and calum who took the time to come to london and perform their songs with me, thank you for always loving me and agreeing to my crazy ideas
to my team and everyone who worked to make this night as special as it could be, thank you. thank you for making my htoughts a reality and making this night as wonderful as possible
thank you to the staff who worked throughout the show to make sure everyone was safe, well and looked after. you truly do not get as much credit as you deserve and i apreciate the hard work you put in to keep everyone happy
thank you to those who joined me, i wish each and every one of you who wanted to could have been there. thank you for singing along and listening to me pour my heart and soul into my music
thank you for letting me do this x
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user55: not the pcd hitting already☹️
user1: and im supposed to pretend i didnt see yn and 5sos perform os/co??
user89: CHARLES?? YN IS DATING CHARLES??
user91: AND HE CAME ON STAGE?? AND THEY PERFORMED OLDER??
user50: i cant believe i saw this all happen live
user47: THANK YOU TO WHOEVER WAS RUNING THE GRAINY LIVESTREAM I OWE YOU MY LIFE🧎🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️
ashtonirwin: thank you for everything yn. youre a real life angel
user16: NO CHARLES MENTION??
user9: BESTIE HE HAS A WHOLE POST
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after having time to process this show, I feel so overcome with gratefulness. my music means so much to me and seeing so many people resonate with it in a live space was so special for me.
charlie, my life would literally fall apart without you and this would have never happened without you giving me the confidence to do so, i hold so much love and admiration for you
thank you for joining me on such a special night and performing our song with me, thank you for sticking with me through it all and thank you for allowing me to share this part of my life with you
i sometimes wonder where i would be if i didnt find you, if i wasnt blessed with your love. i try to think about the times before you, before us, but both feel impossible to do after feeling your love
life with you is so special and i promise to always cherish and love you
merci de m'avoir laissé vieillir avec toi, merci de m'avoir laissé t'adorer, merci de m'avoir choisi (thank you for letting me get old with you, thank you for letting me adore you, thank you for choosing me)
yn x
tagged: charles_leclerc
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charles_leclerc: mon ange, je t'aimerai toujours (my angel, I will always love you)
charles_leclerc: je suis tellement privilégiée d'être celle que tu aimes🤍🤍 (I'm so privileged to be the one you love)
yourusername: vieillir avec toi ne semble pas si effrayant🖤🖤 (growing old with you doesn't seem so scary)
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puckpocketed · 7 months ago
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who is #43?
Hello !! First off thank u for visiting. If you clicked read more by accident rip sorry it’s a lot of text. ENJOY!!! <3
1. This was the photo reference I used. I really did mean it when i said he photographs well!! I really like how scrungly he looks at times lol. v paintable
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2. here’s a timelapse for your viewing pleasure in video + gif form <3
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3. Process breakdown below. I am not formally trained, so don’t take any of this as professional advice!! The way i paint has been compared to channeling some evil contract with a demon also. So um . Im saying that i dont remotely think that this is efficient or correct, its just whats comfortable for me <3
3a) the dreaded lining phase. I have 2 modes of operation when it comes to painting - either i go full-dick with fancy inking/sketching + cel shading (rare, unrefined, haven’t figured out a nice workflow yet) OR i do a very very basic chicken scratch set of lines like so:
It’s less about being realistic here and more about laying down some guide lines for the chaos ahead. If i thought i could get away with it, I would start every rendered painting i do with laying down colours — but unfortchh ive tried that before and it usually ends in really weird proportions. Even with the lines i still need to make adjustments. This is something no people except me would notice but look at the above sketch; the eyes are too big and slightly too far apart, the forehead is too small and thus the hair is also not quite big enough… I have a bad habit of drawing eyes too big on faces, they’re my favourite facial feature to draw.. i barely resisted giving him big cow eyelashes (I love big cow eyelashes… all of my OC’s and most of my more stylised fan art of characters get big cow eyelashes… god…. Big cow eyelashes SAVE ME……….)
Anyway. Structure of the face + hand somewhat established. <3
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3b) Underpainting!! Okay stay with me here . Ever since i figured out i dont have to paint in 03925893853 different layers, I’ve joyfully painted on 1 layer as much as possible. I dont have the brain power all the time to be managing layers so I simply dont work with that many layers. For this painting, the skin in its entirety was painted on one layer, the hair on another layer, and the effects on the last layer. There was a placeholder background off-white/grey colour for a while there, and I duplicated the line layer — one for figuring out where to lay colours, and one hidden for later so i could check back to see how accurate to the sketch/proportions were to the actual painting. 6 layers, 2 of which i painted the bulk of the piece on, 1 more at the end.
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3c) here’s where I started carving out features. I think about objects in terms of volumes and light rather than lines. i love painting and sculpting because of this!! Here you see where I’ve begun to define his features — his eyelids, his bags, his nostrils. Just refining what was there before. The suggestion of facial hair before i gave it up and left it for later (his face is so naked the WHOLE time)
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3d) nose bridge highlight, suggesting his eyebrows, a cheek highlight. A touch more coral red and muted yellow pull away from the grey/blue underpainting. Strategically leaving some of it peeking through.
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3e) i truly start messing with the fidelity of his features here. Red lipstick <3 and some violet/blue for shadows on the right side of his face.
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3f) the part where it starts looking like q.hughes to me (though, my friend said i got his vibe pretty early on which is such a compliment.. waaaaa…..) I love this part of every painting i do. I know it’s definitely not the Correct order since other parts of the entire painting are simply Not Rendered or Done, but whos gonna stop me?? :3
I love love loveeee painting faces. Adding the little shinies to his eyes + lips + upper lip + nose … you don’t know how much of a difference it makes until you do it. Also i snatched his eyebrows
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3g) i really pushed the red/coral/ochre/orange here. Note the yellow highlights on his cheekbones, the forehead, and the thin thin line of pink right between where his bottom lip ends and his chin shadow starts <- very important . To ME!!!!!!! Also highlighting his waterline and adding his lashes was so so fun <3
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3h) FACIAL HAIR!!! And I started rendering his hand. Some micro adjustments made to his face for proportion check.
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3i) i start painting his hair in earnest and realise his forehead is too small so i make the adjustment. I really love how it falls into his eyes in this photo. <3
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3j) i make some final adjustments to his eyes — a bit smaller, closer together. And i refine the outline of his jaw, push the stylisation of it just a little.
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3k) Finishing details; his flyaway hairs, his moles, a bit of texture on his face, shadows cast by his hair, his little forehead cut <3
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3l) i adjusted his hand here, added more texture to his skin, refined his hair a tiny bit more, and made the decision not to fuck around painting his jersey because i wanted the focus to be his face <3
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3m) Canucks blue and green. Captain at 23. His form bleeds into the background. He is the franchise.
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theee most fun ive had painting anything. and i finally feel... warmed up? if that makes sense. art for me is like. if i dont do it in a while it feels like nothing goes right when i come back to it. i hate that feeling, and the most difficult hurdle to clear is letting myself feel that until i get back into my Zone. after all this time i feel like im BACK !!!!!!!
i loved painting this fella. hes SO Shaped. <3
Apologies i simply do Not have the energy to write the alt text for all of these so i hope the little blurbs are okay aslkjasdklj. i gotta post and go to bed . if u made it this far, thank you for reading!!
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sweetteainthesummerx · 9 months ago
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THE LOVE LASTS SO LONG
Ollie Bearman and his girlfriend turned wife, as seen from social media and the public. 
series masterlist
reader has a name and a no fc, but is portrayed as East Asian :) No warnings, probably going to have multiple parts :) ALSO NO HATE TO MACE CORONEL I literally searched up young actors and he popped up AND no hate to ollie and Estelle's relationship I just wanted to write for fun. pls be kind this is baby's first Tumblr post also someone pls help me how do I make my blog aesthetic
★・・・・★・・・・ ★・・・・★
E-news!
TRENDING NOW
AUBREY YANG WINS OSCAR AT AGE 17
Aubrey Yang, age 17, wins Best Supporting Actress in break out role on blockbuster movie, Station 13. This young star has been acting since the age of 7, landing roles such in which she worked with household names like Michelle Yeoh and Robin Williams. Her astounding and emotional performance as a newly orphaned teen in the apocalypse adjacent Morgan Freeman has secured her spot in this tumultuous industry. In her acceptance speech, Yang delivered an impactful critique on Asian presence in Western Media and how her win is “ not just [hers], but for all of us”. 
Yang is set to star in upcoming movie, White Jade Tiger, a historical film based on the book of the same name, directed by John M. Chu next fall. 
See below for Audrey Yang’s Acceptance Speech I 2024 Academy Awards. 
aubreyyang posted
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aubreyyang Wow. I am still in absolute shock. Thank you so much to everyone who supported me and helped make this happen. Here’s to more change and more love in the future! 
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morganfreeman well done, and well deserved Aubrey. It was an honor seeing your incredible talent and hard work. 
— aubreyyang thank you so much for guiding me and imparting your wisdom!! I love you on set dad!
michelleyeoh_official They grow up so fast…proud of you, Aubrey!
— aubreyyang MICHELLE MY HERO
dior.n.goodjohn MY QUEEN YOUVE SLAYED TOO HARD IM AFRAID
— aubreyyang AHHH MY GF VAN TRIP WHEN???
user dior and aubrey are friends???
user2 yes they’re both from vancouver their friendship is so cute 
macecoronel ❤️
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sabrinacarpenter girlboss
aubreyyang SABBB my lover
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olliebearman Spring break, ready to get back on (the) track 😁
tagged: kimi.antonelli
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celebgossipnews_page posted
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celebgossipnews_page Aubrey Yang has won an Oscar: but is she winning in the love department? The actress was seen arguing with long-term boyfriend, Mace Coronel in front of Nobu Downtown last Friday night, at 9:00 pm. She left the restaurant in tears, without Coronel. Could this power couple break up at the height of Yang’s career?
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user1 dude I hate him sm like wdym u pulled Aubrey, the baddest baddie out there
— user2 fr man is washed up
aubreyyyfanpage girl stand up that man is not worth it LEAVE HIM
— yang4eva WORDD miss ma’am he does not deserve u ONE CHANCE PLS
aubberieyaang posted
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aubberieyaang as liv once said, its brutal out here 
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celine_diorr NAH NO WAY LIL BRO CHEATED ON U LIKE WDYM
celine_diorr WHEN I CATCH U BRO WHEN I CATCH U
liv_laugh_love girl are r u ok u know its bad when ur quoting me
— aubberieyaang I can’t help it I start singing one step forward three steps back whenever I start crying
chuck_bushes do u want me and walker to go beat him up
— celine_diorr YO I want in
— aryannawhatrudoinghere me too
— walkdontrun pulling up to his house rn
— leeahh_j AUBREY I LOVE YOU DONT CRY
— aubberieyaang AW I LOVE U GUYS
dallastexas dude how r u showing up to set and pretending to be okay
dallastexas im gonna grab food and come over to urs
— aubberieyaang PLS. Also water im so dehydrated
★・・・・★・・・・ ★・・・・★
© sweetteainthesummerx.tumblr. all rights reserved. unauthorized copying, translation, or claiming of my writing or any works as your own is strictly prohibited.
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magewritesstories · 10 months ago
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obsessed w ur gilmore girls EVERYTHING, would love some more logan whenever ur feeling up to it 💖 (even tho im a jess girlie at heart)
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[ ʟᴏɢᴀɴ ʜᴜɴᴛᴢʙᴇʀɢᴇʀ ] ᴄʟᴀꜱꜱ ᴀꜱꜱɪɢɴᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ
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summary: logan is in your business economics class and he absolutly does not work in class—except when you're involved of course ;) TW: none note: i'm also a jess girlie at heart, but im definitly team logan when it comes to rory lol, also i dont know what this is but i hope you enjoy it anyway.
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♣ you're pretty much the only reason he even attends this class ♣ he just sits in the back and watches with interest as you participate in class discussions. ♣ if Finn and Colin notice how his seat keeps getting closer to yours every lecture they dont comment on it ♣ speaking of Finn and Colin—they're both little shits (affectionate) ♣ the kind of guys to ask you the most stupid questions, and when you ask them why they even took this class they just shrug and reply, "it sounded fun." ♣ like what about business ec sounded fun to you?? ♣ (in reality they just followed logan)
♣ when the blessed day finally arrives and you ask him if he wants to work on the group assignment together he's over the moon ♣ (he has selective observation skill and ignores the fact that the only reason you asked him was because him, colin and finn basically had you surrounded in terms of seats) ♣ he obviously agrees and you exchange numbers to meet up and work on the project
♣ now, lets get one thing straight, logan does not work ♣ if there is anyway this man can slack off and get a passing grade without doing anything he will do it ♣ but now its you and there's no way he's making a bad impression by makign you do all the work (he will tell colin and finn to make up some stupid excuse to not be there (they have an entire book on them))
♣ you get a consecutive one hour of working in before he suggests that the two of you go get coffee (more than you expected honstly) ♣ he lets you order, pretends to point to something very interesting outside and pays for the food ♣ he also has the most satisfied smirk on his face as you tell him you're gonna pay him back ♣ "suureeee~" ♣ he also memorizes the drink you'd ordered and shows up to the lecture ten mintues before time just to give it to you and make small talk before the professor starts droning on about whatever's on the agenda that day
♣ once the assignement is finished (you and logan did most of the work) you expect to go back to sitting next to him in class for half the lecture and him leaving once he's bored ♣ like it was before ♣ and that does happen. sort of. ♣ except now everytime he leaves, logan sends you a message that afternoon asking for the notes on the lectures (he just wants an excuse to draw you out of your dorm to the nearby coffee stand)
♣ eventually, after he's spent an entire month making up the most ridiculous excuses for meeting up with you ♣ claimed he didn't understand a paragraph once—he was talking about a paragraph of his human recources class (this boy has no clue which book belongs to which subject) ♣ anyway, after a month of ridiculoussness that kinda makes you smile he's succesfully become a part of your everyday life. one day he's bringing you coffee, another he's asking you to meet up with him in the library to study ♣ so now that that part of his plan is successfull he finally asks you out.
♣ when you just smile and say yes, rolling you eyes as you tell him 'it was about damn time' he thinks he's fallen in love with you just a little more.
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